And My Heart Breaks For You
by Authorwithoutaquill
Summary: Suddenly he was able to breathe freely, the weight disappeared from his chest and the colours seemed to be brighter, the smells richer, the sounds soothing instead of intrusive. His fingers closed around hers as his eyes fluttered shut of their own accord and he let himself relax for the first time in fifteen months.
**Author's Notes:** _This was written for the prompt: NinexRose pet store AU. It went in a completely different direction from what I intended and is not nearly as fluffy as I first hoped. Still. It does have a happy ending. FYI: I know the the pairings might be confusing, but Donna and Rose are NOT with the Doctor at the same time, okay? It's going to become clear why both of those are tagged if you read the story. It's not a threesome..._

"Jenny, slow down!"

"Daddy, daddy, look! There's a bunny in the window! Aww, it's so fluffy! Can we please buy the bunny? Please!"

The man in the leather jacket sighed and smiled tiredly at the little girl jumping up and down in front of the pet store. Kneeling in front of her, he put his hands firmly but gently on her shoulders, "Sweetheart, I told you. We're not going to buy a pet today. We're just looking around to see if any of them might be good for you later. Your birthday is still a way away, and you know we don't have the money for it right now."

His blue eyes shone with barely restrained despair and the little girl nodded and hugged him tightly.

"I know daddy. I'm sorry, I'll try to be less excited."

The man smiled sadly and caressed Jenny's cheek.

"You can be plenty excited Jen, just keep in mind that no matter how cute the puppies and bunnies and birds are inside, we'll have to wait until we can take any of them home. You'll get a pet for your birthday, I promised. But until then, my golden girl," he lifted her up high into the air and spun her around, which elicited a loud giggle, "until then you have to wait."

"I can wait! I can wait all the time in the world to get a puppy!"

She flashed him her brightest smile and he had to hold back the tears that threatened to overflow at any moment. Trying to cover it up, he admonished her lightly, "I thought you wanted a bunny just before."

"I did, but that was just the excitement."

Her eyes were round and shone with mischief, blue and bright, an almost exact copy of his. He smiled back gently and pushed the door open for her.

The overwhelming scent of animals hit them as they stepped inside, Jenny eliciting a loud 'oh', her father scrunched up his nose and fought the urge to cough.

"Okay, correction. We're only gonna buy you a pet that's not smelly."

Jenny giggled again, tugging at his arm and led him towards the aquariums. But she was bored with the fish after about two minutes and switched to the parrots and canaries, her father barely able to keep up. As they were making their way over to the kittens, a girl appeared out of nowhere, wearing a pink dress, a smile that could light up the whole city and a name badge that read 'Rose Tyler'.

"Can I help you?"

Her voice sounded like liquid sunshine and his head swam for a moment. He swallowed hard and told himself it was stress and exhaustion - he'd be grateful to anyone who was kind to him right at that moment. A little voice told him that gratefulness didn't make him want to wake up to someone's smile every day, but he quashed it and smiled back instead.

"We're just looking around thanks. She's gonna have her birthday soon, so I thought I'd let her pick the present," he motioned towards Jenny, not taking his eyes off the shop girl and grinning wider as her eyes warmed when she looked at his daughter.

"You're getting a pet for your birthday then?" she asked Jenny with a tongue-touched smile. "Lucky girl."

Jenny twirled around and giggled, eyes already on the puppies, not sparing a glance at Rose as she ran over to the bigger cages.

"Yes, I am! Daddy promised he'd buy me one after Mommy died."

Rose bit her lips and glanced at the man - all the warmth escaped from his face. Pain and grief and deep darkness swirled in his eyes instead as a muscle in his jaw twitched and for a moment Rose thought he could be dangerous. He could destroy people; destroy whole worlds maybe, if anyone close to him got hurt. And yet she didn't feel afraid. She felt an irresistible pull towards the stranger, a warmth deep in her chest and a strange tingling in her belly.

She cleared her throat and changed the subject quickly, "We actually have a few puppies cheaper than usual. They've been here for longer than three months and we'd really like to find them a home quickly. Do you want to see them?"

Her eyes were so hopeful he couldn't say no, even though his head was spinning and an iron fist was clutching at his lungs, forcing all the air out, strangling him, and he had to fight for every breath.

 _Keep them even, keep them calm. Just keep breathing,_ he told himself.

He nodded, body at snapping point. She reached out her hand carefully, approaching as if he was a wild animal, not daring to move fast, either afraid he might bite or run away. Both options seemed good to him. Heart beating faster, legs itching, he was about to call to Jenny that they were going, was about to bolt and run, appear menacing and scare her away, do anything but let her see him breaking, when her hand made contact with his and the world stopped.

Suddenly he was able to breathe freely, the weight disappeared from his chest and the colours seemed to be brighter, the smells richer, the sounds soothing instead of intrusive. His fingers closed around hers as his eyes fluttered shut of their own accord and he let himself relax for the first time in fifteen months. He felt tears flowing down his face, quite helpless against the force that was suddenly letting him go, letting him break and heal at the same time, letting him feel again. He was faintly aware that he was making a fool of himself, but he couldn't care less at that moment.

A breath in.

A breath out.

His body was so light all of a sudden he thought he might float away. Breathing deeply, he slowly made himself come back down to earth and opened his eyes.

The shop was still empty, besides Jenny, himself and the shop girl. His daughter was occupied with trying to pet all the puppies at once and Rose was looking at him patiently, waiting for whatever overtook him to be over.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and looked at the floor, waiting for her to laugh. No doubt she would think he was crazy, promptly tell them to leave the shop and maybe even call child services. His heart started racing again at that last thought. He couldn't let her do that. He could lose everything - had lost everything - but they couldn't take Jenny away from him. He head to explain, quick!

"I wasn't…" but his explanation was cut off as the shop girl rose to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his.

Rose, her name was Rose.

The kiss was sweet and quick, just a brush of her lips against his own, but it filled him with something he hadn't felt in a long time: hope. Dazed, he opened his eyes and found himself staring into her whiskey-brown orbs.

"So, what's your name then?" she asked, licking her lips nervously and taking a step back.

He wanted to tell her not to do that, that she should stay, they should do the kissing again and for the life of him he almost offered to take her home before remembering there was no one to look after Jenny.

Clearing his throat, he replied, "Chris, my name's Chris."

He stared into her eyes for a moment, utterly lost for words. The sun itself seemed to be swirling in them, all light and brightness and warmth and he was lost, oh so very lost against the force of it.

"I'm Rose."

"Nice to meet you, Rose."

He let out a deep sigh and walked over to where Jenny was cooing to a puppy, closely followed by Rose. Smiling and chatting about trivial things, unimportant things, light things, things that didn't want to make him choke and howl with agony; they spent the next 3 hours looking at Jenny as she played with the puppies. Rose even let two of them out so Jenny could run around with them and almost got caught as her manager entered the shop half an hour before closing time.

They laughed about it after and Chris realized with a start that he couldn't remember the last time he did that. Laugh. About sweet nothings. Jenny must have noticed it too because she stopped playing and ran over to him, hugged his waist and smiled her brightest smile at both of them.

In the end they left in a hurry, Chris remembering Jenny's piano lesson fifteen minutes before they needed to get there. He didn't ask for Rose's number. He fully intended to do so, but in the chaos of the last minutes it escaped him. He was in a much worse mood by the time he picked Jenny up from her lesson. He had half a mind to go back the next morning, but knew it would be silly. He'd probably look like a lovesick fool. As he was.

But it didn't mean he should impose his insanity on Rose. Chris was quite sure the only reason she was so nice is because she took pity on him. A lonely old man with the sweetest daughter in the whole wide world, and a baggage that he should not put on anyone but himself. As much as he tried to keep Jenny away from it, the girl was way too smart, and much more empathic than most kids her age. She couldn't be tricked that easily. His daughter knew exactly the heartbreak he was going through and in her own ways tried to make it better for him.

Those ways just happened to include talking about a shop girl in a pink dress who let her run around with the puppies.

"And daddy, she was so nice! She let out Mickey and Jack!"

"You can't name them sweetheart, we're not buying two. Besides, the paperwork will need to be done too, I want to know what type they are. We can't have a big dog, I told you."

"But they do have names! And Jack is a Jack Russell, he's small, he won't grow big! Aww, daddy… Please? Pleeease?!"

Chris kneeled down in front of her and took her face in his hands. They were on their way back to the pet store and by god he hoped Rose Tyler was working today. At the same time, he was more afraid of it than anything he'd ever faced.

That afternoon, as he was getting ready, he found himself standing in front of his bedroom mirror in a suit. A suit! Him! Granted, it was an old-fashioned one with pin-stripes and a rumpled, used look to it (where he got it from, he didn't know - it wasn't his style at all), but it was still a suit.

He sat down with a heavy sigh and looked at himself accusingly.

"Gone and done it again, Doctor! Fallen in love. Look how it ended the first time." He threw a book at the mirror - which didn't shatter, thankfully. He let the tears fall and tried to keep his sobbing as quiet as he could. Jenny was downstairs, singing along to Mary Poppins' soundtrack and he was safe to let go for the moment.

He did get himself together rather fast though. Shedding the rumpled suit as if it'd burnt him, he threw it on the floor, kicked it aside, then, not satisfied, threw it out of the window in a moment of blind rage and self-pity.

Striding towards the mirror, he pressed his nose against the glass and said in a clear, loud voice, "You are a lunatic, Chris, if you think she could ever love you. A madman." He closed his eyes as the pain washed over him, shaking his frame, forcing his hands to fall to his sides and his legs to give out.

That's what She called her. A madman. A spaceman. Dumbo. The Doctor. Because he helped people. Once upon a time. Rather ineffectively. But she always saw the best in him. Didn't let him get away with any of his bullshit, but always saw the best there too.

When he closed his eyes and sobbed, in his loneliest moments, he could still hear her voice, soothing, feel her hands in his hair, calming, inhale her scent, violets, cinnamon and fire and… Donna.

He smiled shrewdly, realizing he never could get his finger on what that scent was. She used to tease him endlessly about it. _With that nose, I thought you'd have more talent at sniffing things out…_

Gasping, he stood up and ran to his bed, throwing on the jumper, the cotton pants, the boots and the leather jacket. The familiar weight of his jacket calmed his racing heart and he seemed to be able to breathe again. Squaring his shoulders, he decided to get this Rose nonsense out of his head, and was at the door already, mouth open to shout Jenny's name when he heard it.

Almost as soon as he did, he realized he couldn't possibly be hearing it, not for real. She was gone; she was never coming back, so it was just a trick of his mind. But the voice was clear and strong and persistent, so much so that it wouldn't die down until he listened. Opening his eyes, but not daring to turn back, lest the illusion fades completely, he nodded and steadied himself on the night table, listening intently.

"You can't mourn me forever, Chris. You've gotta move on. I did ask you for forever, I know. And you never break your promises once you make them. But I love you. I don't want you alone. Not now, not ever. I don't want Jenny alone. Please. Tell her. Tell Rose. You didn't tell me until it was nearly too late." Her laugh made him ache in places he didn't know could ache. "Lord, we'd have never married if it was up to you. But you can't expect everyone to be like me. If you don't tell her, she might never know. Hell, I didn't know! I took a chance."

His eyes closed again, he realized, as he seemed to feel two warm hands cupping his face. The tears rolled freely and followed each other in rapid succession, but he didn't dare to open his eyes. She wasn't there, he knew, but he couldn't let go. Not yet.

"If you love me," he let out a strangled sob, but she shushed him, like she always did when she was saying something important and he was getting all overemotional, "if you loved me…" Another sob, louder this time. He wasn't ready for that past tense. "If you loved me," she carried on, putting a stress on the 'd', "then you're going to do the same. You have to take a chance. For you. For me. For Jenny. For your family."

A hand moved to the back of his skull and she seemed to be walking around to face him.

"Because you do have a family, even with me gone. You have to remember that, Chris. You have to live. I know it wasn't how you imagined it. It wasn't how I imagined it either. But life never is. You're allowed to need someone. That someone can't be me anymore. So go and tell her."

A feather-light brush of lips against his own and he knew she was gone. Knew it before he opened his eyes. Knew it as the weight he hung onto was lifted from his heart and he wanted to hang on, to clutch it to himself, because that was the only thing he had left of her. The only thing he could keep. But it was snatched from his fingers, much like Donna had been fifteen months ago. Suddenly, unstoppably and against his will.

He could breathe now. It wasn't easy and he felt very strange, like he'd been turned inside out and put together again, only now it was in the right order - nothing poking out, no sharp pains in hidden places, enough space to breathe. He was raw all over, as if his skin was all new and could remember the pain of its previous owner. His suffering ended. She took it like she took everything else that hurt him - with the ease of a goddess looking over her humans in their tiny world, made of clay, powerless against the golden fire in the sky that sent warmth down to them every day.

If she'd been here he would have argued. As it was, he was gobsmacked and unsure, taking his first steps on unsteady legs and breathing deeply for the second time in more than a year. He could breathe. It was painful, but it didn't shatter him with every intake and didn't leave him hollow at every exhale. Donna, his precious Donna, fixing everything even when he was too stubborn for his own good. Especially when he was too stubborn for his own good. With a shake of his head, he stood up.

Right, pet store then! He raced down the stairs - oh, how he missed running! - and told Jenny to get her coat. She must have sensed his excitement, for they were out in two minutes flat, driving towards Bad Wolf's Friends with Jenny singing Abba songs in the car, her father smiling and humming along when they stopped at traffic lights.

But when they rounded the corner at the pet store, his courage evaporated and upon learning that Jenny now wanted both of the puppies (and even given them names already), he felt the need to calm both of them down. He knew hope was a dangerous thing, learned it all too well in his time, but Jenny's blue eyes and bright smile didn't let him finish his thought.

As he knelt before her, cupping her face in his hands, he couldn't help it, he hoped. Hoped for a better future for both of them, one that involved a certain Rose Tyler, two dogs and regular Sunday picnics in the park. He ended up hugging Jenny instead of giving her the lecture he first intended and stood up, taking her small hand in his.

"Why Mickey? I get why Jack's Jack, but where did the other one come from?"

"I don't know, it just seemed to fit him."

And indeed as they stepped into the store and were faced with an excited Jack Russell and goofy chocolate Labrador, Chris smiled and shook his head.

"I guess it does fit him, yes."

Mickey chose this moment to bump his head into the glass and tumble backwards in an ungraceful heap from the momentum. Chris grimaced.

"Are you sure you don't want another one? He's gonna fall down the stairs all the time, get dangled up in his own legs."

"He's clumsy, but he's got a really big heart," came a voice from behind the shelves on their right. "So, did you choose then?"

Jenny bit her lips and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. I want the brown one, that's Mickey. And I want the white one with the brown spots. He's Jack."

Rose smiled and took the keys to the cages out from behind the counter. "Good choice."

When Jenny was once again busy playing with the puppies, _her_ puppies, as she pointed out proudly to her dad, and Chris was finished with the paperwork, he realized he never said a word to Rose since they arrived. Talk about tongue-tied…

He was about to blurt the first thing out that came to mind when she turned abruptly and held out her palm towards him. In it was a gold ring. His wedding ring, to be exact. He paled and was about to demand what she was doing with that, when she spoke quietly.

"You left it here last time. I noticed you were playing with something in the pocket of your jacket as we talked, but I never saw you take it out. I found it in Jack's cage after closing. I think he must have picked it up and took it with him. He collects things like that. So I thought I'd better keep it and see if it's yours."

Chris swallowed hard and nodded.

"Thank you." He stretched out his hand to take it, but something stopped him.

"Are you… erm… you're not… the…" Rose was blushing and held out her hand even further, urging him to take the ring away. He realized what the question was about only after taking the gold band.

"I'm not. I was. But she's… She's gone now."

And there was the sadness back in his eyes that broke Rose's heart the first time. She knew she was being absurd, and mad and maybe just a bit inappropriate. But she couldn't help herself.

"I know I'm never going to be her. And I don't want to. She loved you dearly." His head whipped up and she looked away. "Well, she must have, if you miss her so much. And I'm not… Oh god, I don't even know what I'm saying."

She took a deep breath and mumbled something to herself that Chris didn't catch.

"What I'm trying to say is, I could be the next one. I'm not saying forever and I'm not saying picnics in the park on Sunday afternoons, but those could happen too, if you want. For now though, dog walks, maybe slightly burnt dinner with you and Jenny. Pillow fights on Saturday mornings when you ask me to look after the puppies on Friday and come to pick them up? Just… if you want."

Her eyes were shining again, but this time not with happiness, but with something akin to fear. Could she? Could she possibly?

He grinned and swept her up in a hug, spun her around (she shrieked loudly and giggled at that) and kissed her. Properly this time, goose bumps rising on his skin as she let him in and he tasted her completely for the first time. It didn't last nearly as long as he'd have liked it though. He had something urgent to tell her, and it couldn't wait even for the sake of a second first-kiss. Grinning down at her, he told her, "Rose Tyler, you're fantastic, you are!"

She hummed happily and was about to reply when Jenny pounded up to them.

"Does that mean Jack gets to sleep with Rose now?"

As Chris protested about no dogs in the bed, and how that puppy's going to be as well-behaved as he could get if he wanted to stay with them, Rose and Jenny both started laughing, cutting him off quite effectively.

"I think Jack and Mickey will have to share your bed with you. But I'll be very happy to walk them when you have to go to school in the fall, and to teach you how to make pet food for them that's better for their tummy than what you can get in the shop."

Jenny waltzed away happily, chasing Jack and Mickey (who stumbled into a shelf and knocked all the dog collars down). Rose leaned in to kiss Chris again, when his question stopped her.

"When are you closing exactly?"

She smiled and shook her head.

"Are we going to jump straight to the picnics after all?"

"Hm. Could do. Picnics are good."

Smiling, tongue peeking out between her teeth, Rose laid her head on his chest. Sighing happily, she replied, "Yep. Picnics are most definitely the best."

 **End of the work notes:** _As always, reviews and follows/favs are much, much appreciated. I would be especially grateful if you told me what you thought about this piece since this is something I haven't written before, but something that I'm thinking about writing more of._


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